“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7
In a trial your mind is heavy. Pressure is on your soul. You just want to shake your head in disbelief. What has happened is almost oppressing. Something has affected you. It has affected your emotion, so that your soul feels as though it is collapsing. You feel ambivalent. Two things are going on in you at one time. You love the Lord, at least you thought you loved the Lord. And at the same time, you have these trials that have crushed your soul, and you feel heavy. Do not forget that the Lord Jesus also had a soul. In the hour of trial He said, “Now My soul is troubled” (John 12:27). And in Gethsemane, His soul was awestruck and in distress (Mark 14:33-34). The soul of the Lord Jesus went through severe testing, and it was exceedingly sorrowful.
“The testing of your faith produces patience” (James 1:3). In the testing, your mind, your emotions, and even your will feel very weak. You feel limp. Yet you will discover that after a few moments, or a few hours, or maybe a few days, something in you — despite your wanting to give up, despite overwhelming feelings of discouragement, despite it all — something in you rebounds and you say, “Lord, I still love You. Lord, I want You.” This was the testing of your faith. Something happened to shatter your feelings. And in your thought life, you could not pull everything together. But there is something deeper. You start to pray. “Amen, Lord. God, I love You.” You discover that this is genuine. You do love Him. Why? Because your faith will not quit. You keep coming back, you keep responding to Jesus.